FakeNews9 has learned that the word “Yes” today declared itself to no longer be affirmative, citing years of under appreciation. From 8:35 Eastern Standard time, Yes will officially become and mean “No”. Yes announced its decision to go “Trans-No” on CNBS’s Rachael Maddow Show. Yes claimed that for centuries, it could never refuse anything, however inappropriate, and that “No” seemed to have all the power. “No always seemed so rigorous, thoughtful and final. People fear No. I never got that kind of respect”, claimed the noun. In some quarters, the move has been met with criticism. The National Organization for Women issued a press release immediately, noting that women have effectively used yes as a negative for years with no consequences, and that they now stand to lose that vital, age-old tactic.
Upon hearing of Yes’ conversion to trans-no, several other nouns professed interest in a similar move, notably truth, being, and oneness. When asked for comment, holiness, however, refused to go on record. Justice is expected to plead the fifth later today. More as the story develops. Or trans-less. Or whatever. –Possum Politics