Reported by Gabe Owners
WASHINGTON, D.C. —  in a closed-door House Oversight deposition, Hillary Clinton was hit with the one question every Clinton aide prays never gets asked on the record.
“So you’re telling me Epstein visited the White House 17 times while your husband was president, donated generously to your foundation, and you never once met the guy?” the investigator asked, sliding the visitor logs across the table like a mic drop. “Stop it, Killary!”
Clinton’s eyes widened in that trademark “I’m-about-to-BleachBit-my-own-memory” stare. After a perfectly timed dramatic pause she replied, “I have no recollection of ever meeting Mr. Epstein. I was very busy in those days.”
She then explained that during Bill’s presidency she was “far too occupied” dodging imaginary sniper fire in Bosnia and naming household appliances after her imaginary friends to notice a billionaire pedophile popping in and out of the residence like it was his favorite Starbucks.
At press time, sources confirmed her legal team is already searching for the nearest server to “lose” any remaining inconvenient photos, flight logs, or inconvenient memories related to Zorro Ranch.
“Bill and I only associate with the very best people,” she concluded. “Like the ones who pay us enormous speaking fees.”